1:41 a.m. - 2006-01-09
Joe
#4 Joe
The Great Love of My Life
Joe was the great love of my life. I still remember the first time I met him. I was driving around with my friends and Stephanie spotted him walking. He was her boyfriend at the time. We went back to his boathouse and drank beer and hung out. After that I used him as my fake boyfriend to cover for Daniell (Daniell was black and my father did not approve). Eventually he and Stephanie broke up and I didn�t see him for a while. I still kept up the lie to my parents though. Then one day I decided to run away from home (that I don�t remember the reason for, probably just bullshit teen angst and all that). I was riding with my friend Andy. He said that we had to go pickup a couple of his friends. Turned out that Joe was one of those friends. (The other two were Chris-my now ex-husband, and Travis-the next boyfriend I will write about.) Joe and I ended up hitting it off really well. He became my boyfriend�well, after the police picked me up and took me back home, that is. We spent all of our free time together. He was hot and cold�I never knew whether he was going to be wonderful to me or cold, but God, I loved him. I thought that I would surely spend the rest of my life with him. Our first break-up came when I got pregnant. When I told him, he was great. He wanted to move in together and have a family. My parents disagreed-I was only 16. Then one night when Joe was over at my house, he asked my father to give him a ride home so that they could talk. On this ride, Joe proceeded to tell my father that he wasn�t sure the baby was really his and that I had been sleeping with a bunch of people. It was the furthest thing from the truth. I loved Joe more that I can even describe. I still get a little teary eyed when I think about us. Needless to say, I was devastated. I didn�t hear from him again for about a month, when his friend�s baby was born. He called me to announce the birth and to tell me that he was thinking of me. He was sorry for his behavior and wanted to be together. As horrible as what he did was, I still loved him. I still wanted to be with him. I saw him a few days later but he was cold to me. Very soon after, I miscarried. I blamed him. I blamed him because I felt like he willed it to happen. I blamed him for making me go through the surgery to expunge our dead baby by myself. I blamed him for not caring. But I still loved him. The day after I got out of the hospital, I ran into Joe in town. He walked away from me as if he didn�t even know who I was. I talked to the friend that was with him and told him what had happened. I cried and I yelled and cried some more. On my way home, I flipped the car over. Not on purpose, mind you, but to this day I have no idea exactly how it happened. The next time I saw Joe I was almost 18. It was like nothing bad had ever happened between us. We continued to see each other until I left for the Army a month after I turned 18. When I came home 6 months later, we somehow ended up back together. It was comfortable. We were both different. He took care of me. He made me feel like I was someone worth having, someone worth protecting. Again I moved away, this time because I had gotten caught up in drugs. We continued to talk and see each other some weekends. He told me during that time that I was his Jenny (a reference to Forrest Gump). He said that I could go away and explore the world, but no matter what he would always be right there waiting for me. Then he asked me if I was ready to have his babies. After that night, all of the bad came rushing back. I remembered lying on that stretcher alone and scared. I remembered him walking away. We were never together again after that. He got married and had children and I did the same. But to me, he will always be known as the great love of my life. As horrible as he was to me, I loved him.
