8:28 p.m. - 2005-12-30
to shelly
I have to "break up" with a friend. I am posting the letter I have written to her here and asking for feedback.
When it was first suggested to me to do this, I thought it would be one of the hardest things I�ve ever had to do. I ruminated over whether or not to even bother. The fact is that things will never be the same as they once were whether or not I say anything about it. But the more I thought about the way things happened the more I realized that I needed to have closure.
We�ve been a part of each other�s lives for almost 18 years. We�ve seen each other through births, marriages, funerals, divorces and countless other milestones. Unfortunately, though, through all of that it seems that we never really got to know each other.
I was confused to say the least when you said the things you did to me. I am no longer going to try to defend myself against your wild accusations because I realized that I have no need to. I, as well as anyone who actually knows me, knows the type of person I am and that you opinion of me is diluted by something. I suppose it is possible that it is diluted by your own self-centeredness, but even that doesn�t excuse your behavior or attitude towards me.
I also will not continue to apologize for the situation between Jonathan and me. Initially, I understood your anger and felt like I was the one who was being a bad friend. After all, you had just suffered a great loss and didn�t need any extra undue stress. It has only been in the last 2 days that I realized that I have, and never did have, anything to apologize for. We all suffered the same loss. We all loved Nanny. Part of my being there was to be there for you, but mostly it was to pay my respect to Nanny. I do agree that Nanny would not have approved of what happened. However, it was none of your business and did not involve or affect you at all. The fact that you have continued to harbor this resentment is on you. When you learn to move on from things that are merely a blip on the radar of your life, you will feel much better.
As I have looked back over our time together, I�ve come to the realization that you were right about one thing. We never truly were friends. I did feel a connection to you, but I believe that connection was more of history than friendship. As I told you, some of the best memories of my life involve you. But on the same token, some of the worst memories of my life involve you. You have always been selfish, spoiled and self-centered. Your world revolves around you. Interestingly, the things that you have accused me of seem to be a reflection of yourself. They say that the things you dislike about others tend to be the things that you dislike about yourself but are unable or unwilling to recognize.
I know that I said I was not going to defend myself for any of your accusations. I do, however, have to point something out. You made the accusation that I am a bad mother, and that I remind you of your own mother. As Nanny once said to both of us, take a look in the mirror at yourself. I have not once driven my children around after I have been drinking. I have not once taken my children to a party where there are drugs and drinking going on. I have not once allowed my children to see me so drunk I was vomiting allowed them, the people that I am responsible for caring for, to take care of me. I could go on and on, but I will stop. I think it will suffice to say that you are more like Shanon than you know.
I think that I have said all that I need to say. I am sorry that things had to turn out this way. It is unfortunate that a history such as ours will have to be just that. However, I think we both agree that it is for the best.
