3:03 p.m. - 2004-09-17
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Lying in bed trying to turn off my brain and fall into dreamland, I take a wrong turn and end up in that place in my mind when life was all about fun rap music and gossiping on the phone. It was a time when you'd never trust a big butt and a smile and our parents just didn't understand. In my mind I can still smell the air coming off of the water as I sat at my parents kitchen table trying desperately to make him mine. And like that, my mind finds it's way to the next home of that kitchen table...a time when I had the guy. Or rather, he had me. My parents kitchen table was right at home in our small apartment, until it wasn't anymore. Then I am reminded of a fact that I never forget, yet struggle to remember. Eight years have passed since that particular relationship ended, and in that time, I 've seen him only three times. But everyday he is in my life. Everyday I see him in my daughter's eyes. It's hard for me to even imagine that she is a part of him, he is so removed from our lives. But then, his presence wouldn't benefit either of is, so I tell myself that his choices are for the best- that we are better off without him. And then my subconsious reminds me that I forgot to pack her lunch for school and I come full circle back around to the days when I was in school--the days when wearing you pants backwards was a fashion statement and boy bands had only just begun.
